Day Fourteen of Our Quest

Today has been STRESSFUL!! My seven year old, Mickey is sick with the flu, so I was up all night last night with her. Then I had to take two of the others to doctors appointments today (like I really felt like doing that!). On the way back from that appointment I stopped at Walmart and bought (yes I spent money) a temporal thermometer. As I looked at the shelf, there were three to choose from. One was only $9.95, one $19.95, and the one that I had seen other places (most importantly the hospital) so I chose that one, this set me back $34.95. Okay, here is my thinking on this. There are times when you really get what you pay for. One of those times is with medical equipment in my experience as a nurse. When your child is ill, it is very important to have an accurate temperature, especially if it is high. The same went for the blood pressure cuff we invested in last week, we could have gotten a cheap one at Walmart for less than $10 but how accurate was it? My husband is an EMT and I am a nurse so we spent $24 online to order one that is a brand we trust. Your child's health, in this case my seven year old Mickey who has high blood pressure, is the most important thing in this circumstance!
Second, my reasoning is that you do not want to wake a child up with the flu and you really do not want to stick things in their mouth if they are already nauseated and vomiting (as well it was not fun to make her roll over so I could get to her "good" ear last night), with the temporal thermometer I can use her forehead or behind the ear, letting her rest.
Okay, enough of my rant on medical equipment.

As part of my quest to lower the stress in our home, I interviewed a Family Councilor who also happens to be my best friend, Brandy who lives in Georgia. The interview would have probably taken a lot less than two and a half hours if we didn't chit-chat so much but oh well. Here is some of that interview:

There are many ways to monitor stress levels. I was currently using the number system for a scale of one to ten. I wondered if my younger children were totally grasping this concept. I decided that I may need to look at other ways to monitor my younger children, not being sure that young children may quite understand a sliding scale due to lack of life experience. Brandy explained to me, “Parents can monitor stress levels by noticing changes in behaviors in children. Symptoms of elevated stress levels can present themselves in altered sleep patterns, irritability, emotional distress, excessive lying, mood swings, separation anxiety, bed wetting, sleep walking, poor performance in school, unexplained  fighting with peers, and a loss of concentration/interest  during activities they previous enjoyed.” This gave me some real insight on monitoring their stress levels, knowing if they become elevated is very important.

               With my quest, I was looking for new and exciting ways to reduce the stress level in my home while involving the entire family. “Pick an evening where everybody is home to do this activity. First establish that everyone is free to express themselves as the other person as long as they are not being mean spirited. Then get two jars. Jar 1 has the name of each family member on separate pieces of paper. Jar 2 has different situations that occur/could occur that the family has to deal with. Each person picks from jar 1 and they have to pretend that they are the person on the paper.  Jar 2 gets played two ways 1^st-how they think the person they get would respond 2^nd how they person they get should respond. Everybody plays the game together. Each time a paper is pulled out of Jar 2 both scenarios will be played out” Brandy explained, “this will not only give perspective to you as parents how your children view you as individuals it also allows you to correct behavior in a fun and safe way.”  I thought this would make an excellent activity for our next family meeting.

               My home is full of children, so a big part of my personal stress is getting them all to help around the house without hearing “But it’s not mine, why do I have to pick it up?” or “Well, I didn’t get it out so why do I have to put it away?”. I wondered if there are better ways to handle the nagging of my children to get their chores completed. I asked Brandy about this, her reply was “The key to getting children to help around the house is to present the tasks in a way that doesn’t see unfair to them. Children respond favorable to positive reinforcement. Give them a sense of community in the family and reward them for their efforts.  For example show them how they are an important part of the family unit and therefore their efforts for the family/community and not just for any one individual in the house. Children typically respond favorably to tasks they believe they do the best, so as a parent you need to be careful not to criticize their efforts or redo the task they were asked to perform. Younger children should be assigned tasks that are ability and age appropriate. Praise should be given each time they complete their task. After time this will build positive habits and they will become more independent with their chores as they get older.”

               Brandy specializes in marital counseling so I found it necessary to make sure I gained insight on things that keep my marriage strong. Broken homes are far too many times attributed to stress on the marriage. She explains to me, “Setting boundaries is crucial when it comes to lowering stress levels with couples.” I was a little confused about what she meant. She went on to explain to me, “Understanding what is expected within reason creates harmony in the relationship. However, once the expectations are set each person must comply or more stress will occur.” I know that my husband and I are going to be the core of this quest, without our stress lowering we are bound to fail. “Communicating why each person has set tasks is important in lowering stress levels as well” she emphasized. Brandy went on to say “I also believe gaining a sense of gratitude towards your partners’ commitment to you is essential in lowering stress levels. True awareness of the sacrifices our partner makes each day to honor their commitment creates a home environment that appreciates their efforts daily. This is important so we don’t take one another for granted. This type of gratitude can bind you to your partner on a more intimate level each day. Therefore as new obstacles arise in a marriage you can both invest your energy into resolving the problem knowing your partner appreciates your efforts.”